PROFESSOR MARICA LAUTNER
So. Questions anyone? Good. First, some primary rules. Do not smoke in class. I suffer from acute asthma and I would most likely pass away if you do so. Then you'll be polite enough not to make love in here. I'm okay with you kissing each other if you can't help it but make sure not to go further. Don't get me wrong, I like love, I think it's cute sometimes. But it would obviously corrupt the attention of the group, and moreover, sexuality is a way too easy device to manipulate someone, and in this Psychology course we want to focus on exploring mental labyrinths.
You cannot physically hurt someone. Even slapping is stricktly forbidden. You are going to learn to endure slapless dramas, which will increase the power of your self-energy, I promise.
And of course, attendance. If you don't come from 5 to 7pm every monday, tuesday, wendesday and thursay, it regrettably means you're out with no coming back. Thus, if you leave the room during the class hours for anyreason, you will be out and considered as no longer playing in our intruction.
So. May I introduce to you Julie, Alexa and Charmaine. They're brand new and as reliable as wishable. They will be recording you so we don't have to face any tedious argument about what happened and what did not.
Well. I think we're ready, aren't we? Oh let me quickly remind you there is no actual reward. The winner -the one and only fellow who will stay until the end of the year after kicking everybody else out- will win nothing but a deep, genuine knowledge of human psychological behavior. And nevertheless, a consequent help for your resume to shine- and thereby to access the internship with Dr. Lester...
That being said, game's on. Reveal your hidden skills, use your brightest smiles, form dark alliances, bit the weakness of your collegue. By any means, make them all hurrying back home. Oh and if you're proudly thinking, what the hell, no one is gonna make me run anywhere ; well, when you'll get in touch with the creativity of some of your consorts, you're going to hike all the way back to Ohio without looking back. Questions anyone? Good.
PROFESSOR MARICA LAUTNER
Since we all are civilized fellows, I'll ask you to introduce yourselves simply. 3 points : your name, your favorite movie, and your major weapon this semester. Two of these three informations have to be true, and therefore one must be a lie.
You, skinny pink-haired homosexual, start. We're listening.
ISAAC, acute girly voice, gets up
I'm not gay. Hello, I'm Isaac Lee. And humm, my favorite movie would be... That's harsh. Hum.. Maybe « Brokeback Mountain ». And my weapon is ...
He takes a gun ouf of his pocket. And points it to the room.
Oh my gosh.
LUIS, to Katie
Never saw one before? Big balls, huh.
Tada! Have you guys ever felt it against your temple? Makes you change your mind.
Threatening. Good. I'm only not sure how long fear can last, because your co-workers will get used to it. You'll eventually have to find something else, I guess. But that's a good start.
The blond pussy on the ringside-seat. Go ahead.
For sure man.
Well, I'm Katie O'hara. My favorite movie is « Hannah Montana », because it's so moving and Miley Cyrus is such a great actress. And for my weapon, the flamboyant light of Lord Krishna has made me the holly holder of these sweet little puppets.
She shows to the class a dozen of Vaudou puppets.
I've got one referring to each of you guys, and well, I just love playing with puppets.
Not bad, not bad, acting the stupid blond part. I like costumes and wigs. The handsome surfer in the back, you're next.
KATIE, whispering to Luis
It smells so bad in here. Maybe the restroom is broken or something.
Well, Hi everyone. It's really nice to meet you, I'm excited. I'm Eric von Trott, my favorite movie is « Titanic ». My secret weapon is..
He blows a good shot.
ISAAC, just seated before Eric
My body. I havn't wash anypart of myself for 24 days, and I'm not gonna do it during the semester. I'm fond of meeting people, and being very close to them when we talk to each other.
That's impressive, young man! Hope you won't get disgusted by yourself. You go on, with the terrible white suit.
I'm William Clinton, but you may call me Bill. The most important movie for me is « Stalker» by Tarkovski. And well, people love me, and I don't love them back. So you're gonna get hurt, all of you.
Whatever works, Clinton. Students, I'm exhausted now. I'm going to take a 90seconds micro-nap, and afterwards we'll proceed these delicate presentations. If you'll excuse me.
Professor Lautner takes off a small mattress from under her desk. She lays down, closes eyes and starts snoring.