Friday, October 1, 2010

Wilder Shaw 9/29/10 "Cell Phone"

STUART is standing on the street. DAVE walks up to him.

DAVE
Hey, Stuart, it’s me, Dave.

STUART
Uh, yeah, I know. You don’t have to introduce yourself like you’re on the phone when you’re in person.

DAVE
Oh man, Stuart, you are hilarious! You should be a standup comedian. Anyway Stuart, I just got a wicked cool new electronic device, Stuart. And well Stuart... well I thought I should share it with you.

STUART
Oh. Well, that’s cool I gu--

DAVE
Stuart, it’s a wonderful new invention. Brand new off the streets of Taiwan, Stuart. I don’t think anyone has one yet. Stuart, I just might be the first person ever to own one of these world changing devices.

STUART
Um. What is -

DAVE
Stuart, get ready. For I am about to show you this new device.

STUART
Great.

DAVE
Stuart, what I have here is called a cellular mobile telephone. It allows me to make phone calls from anywhere in the world without actually being plugged into any sort of hard line, Stuart.

STUART
Alright... so did you install some sort of new app on it or something?

DAVE
What? No, Stuart, no! Pay attention Stuart! I thought comedians were supposed to be good listeners. The new device is this cellular phone.

The two stare at each other for a moment. Dave looks proud of himself.

STUART
Yeah, that’s not a new invention. Those have been around for like 20+ years.

DAVE
What?

STUART
Are you... are you serious? Those are already a thing. They’re not... a new invention. Like at all.

DAVE
Stuart, you are hilarious! Look, there you go again with your standup comedy routine monologue! You’re a regular Erwin Beekveld. Ha!

STUART
Who the hell is Erwin Beekveld? And I’m... I’m really not joking. Those exist.

Dave looks at his phone.

DAVE
I don’t think you’re right about this.

STUART
No, I am. I’m definitely right.

DAVE
Well Stuart. I just don’t know what to say.

STUART
I can’t believe they’ve... gotten by you.

DAVE
Stuart, let’s just put all this behind us. How bout we go and grab some melon flavored ale, eh?

STUART
I think I’m going to... decline. I have to go places.

DAVE
More standup comedy to do, Stuart? Ha!

STUART
No, I’m not a comedian. I don’t even know how I know you. I’m gonna leave.

DAVE
Well if you need me, just call me on my newfangled telephone device. They’re all the rage.

STUART
Yeah. Alright. Bye.

Dave looks around. Then he walks towards someone offstage.

DAVE
You there! Are you ready to glimpse into the future?

1 comment:

  1. Notes from Roy:
    Another good comic scene. You play the absurdities to the edge, and they really help make the comedy work. Dave's repetition of "Stuart", and his belated discovery of the revolutionary device each contribute to making the comedy work. He's unrelenting in his belief in his discovery, and it's a great touch that even after the scene is over we know he is after someone else. Stuart's comment that "I don't even know how I know you" gives us the idea that Dave may be pursuing random encounters throughout the city.

    Roy

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