Thursday, September 16, 2010

Wilder Shaw 9/15/10 "The Grill"

Hello? Doctor? Yes, it's me, Mr. Charles. Yeah. No. It's not about my rectum this time. No…. its' not about my nasal cavity either. No… no - god doctor, just – sshh. No - it's… I'm having guests over later for a BBQ, and my wife just told me that those…. those… damn raccoons outside have been licking the gristle off the grill at night. I told her to bring in the grill every time after we use it, but she left it out, and now I'm pretty sure it’s all sorts of infected. What do you mean? What do I meant? I mean with rabies. They say all the animals outside have it now. Yes. No. I mean- I know what rabies is. If you get it they have to stick a needle into your stomach the size of a pole. And I don't want my guests getting it! What? No doctor. Sorry, you're wrong. It’s in their mouths, and if it’s in their mouths then it’s on my grill and if it’s on my grill then it’s on my burgers and if it’s on my burgers then it’s in my guests! I'm a lawyer, doctor, I know the repercussions that will have! Lawsuits and paper work for years! And the kids! How will I put them through Yale - yes I know how young they are - can't be ready too soon. So Doctor, what I’m asking you to do is to come to my home and sterilize my grill. No, the fire WON'T do the trick, I need you to come over here and certify that it has been cleaned. This is a big dinner. An IMPORTANT dinner. If anything goes wrong, I'm going to lose a lot of money and a lot of very important friends. Ok, you're really not going to come over? Alright. I guess I'll have to solve this myself…. rubbing alcohol is a sterilizer right? I think I have one of those old diabetic syringes around. So I'll just going to load the burgers up and it should keep the meat safe right? What - no - you're no help. I've figured it out. I'll just take care of it by myself. Good day.

1 comment:

  1. Notes from Roy:
    This is a very funny monologue, with a good strong dose of absurdity that feeds the comedy. The character is obviously ill-informed about rabies, and how diseases are transmitted, and his schemes to save himself are hilarious because all of his solutions are far worse than the original problem. It's that escalation that also feeds the comedy.

    This is a case where extremity is a good thing. The very outrageousness of the character's ideas, and of the character himself, raise an ordinary barbecue crisis to tragic dimensions, and the raccoon to demonic stature.

    In response to your remark that you're only writing disconnected monologues I'll make two observations:
    - Creating a series of monologues by different characters can be fashioned into a dramatic piece. Generally such pieces would revolve around some kind of theme. The monologue's you've written so far are linked by a kind of urban sensibility, one of a character with an urban dialect and street mentality; the other of a man who's totally unable to deal with something as simple and natural as a raccoon.
    - You might also consider whether you could take either of these monologues and explore the character further. The first piece with the guy who got caught in the fight with two lesbians could be expanded. We might hear about what happens on another day, or what his experience with the two women was like. Or you might write about that experience from the women's point of view, or from the point of view of the person he tells the story to. Or someone who witnessed the event.

    In any event, you have a good comic sense, and a good sense for individual voices. Keep on with that.

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